Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
