Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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