even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
