I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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