My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
