I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
