I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
