I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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