i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
