You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
