so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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