I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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