sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize