i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
