I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
