hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
