when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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