I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I need to align my fucking chakras
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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