I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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