i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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