What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
