we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
