i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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