When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize