Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
