i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
