a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
