What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
