Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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