with your own penis?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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