There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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