I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
