Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
