people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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