What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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