i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize