why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
