I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
