2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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