did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
