Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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