Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
