At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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