i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
