how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
