dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
