Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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