Welp...herpes.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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