It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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