in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
