I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
