I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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