He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
