a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
