I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
