Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
