I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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