Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
