we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
