Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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