I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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