I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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