high people should be assigned attendants
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
