Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
