apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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